Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
