ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
