That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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