if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
