I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize