I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
even my farts smell like vagina
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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