Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
