i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
