I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
