Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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