okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize