That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i came on her dog
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
