Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
