Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
