hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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