Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
