i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is wine microwaveable?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
