Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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