Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
do nipples grow back?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
