theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize