You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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