I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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