you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the condom got lost in my hair
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
