I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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