So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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