like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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