I skipped work to stalk him.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
