My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
