meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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