I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
