I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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