fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
