I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
