There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
