Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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