dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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