ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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