If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
