The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
