when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize