we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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