Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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