Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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