Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
