Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
