She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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