How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
