Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
