So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
