Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
