He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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