Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
