Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize