She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
