you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
