just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
