let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
