Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
