i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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