White coat. Heels.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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