he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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