My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
