Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
