We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
