I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
