So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
