So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
