32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You ruined the universe
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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