He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
